Fake Community

Beware, this could get ugly.

But I mean who out of anyone is anything but, apart from the grace of God. I have built fake community around me this entire year. There are plenty of excuses, explanations, reasons...whatever word you want to use...as to why this has happened or how I've gone on not realizing it, but the thing is: I've been selfish. A few years ago I was director of a student organization on campus that had people "knowing" you to a point where you couldn't escape. Upon completion of that year it was bittersweet...I had been serving in an organization I loved for 4 years, but I was tired. I didn't like that everywhere I went I would see someone I "knew"...I'd avoid the local coffee shop like the plague. So before I moved to England I formed this idea of entitlement: I deserved to be around only a close group of friends, not letting anyone else know me. I didn't want to be associated by all these people who thought they knew me when in fact, they didn't. They knew OF me. I retreated as quickly as possible, which was hard because I loved being part of it, I loved the people...but I treated those I wasn't close to as "expendable" when it was all over under this assumption that none of those relationships were real. At a children's chat at church once, the pastor talked to the kids about treating people like china, not paper plates like we're prone to do. I treated people like paper plates, just because I was being selfish. Even though I had community, I had selective community which was so wrong of me in my approach to holiness.

Then I moved to England (ahh warms my heart!) and it was a humbling experience. To be alone over there only knowing one person, and then to meet a community of believers who deeply loved each other was just what I needed. Not that I didn't (or don't/can't) have that here at my local church, because I DO I just have kept it at arm's length this year, but with these people in Sheffield I was truly home. Which is funny because at first I only connected with the Americans there, until about half way through when I formed some solid friendships with the Brits. I realized I'd rather have the British stereotypical way of forming friends - "slow at first, then in it together til the end" versus the American way of "instant best friends, drift later." I truly loved those people (and still do obviously), and the community we built. I loved the way that friendships were formed...not this instant, fake friendship that steals the glory of true community.

And as I've been back, I've definitely been in the British mode of forming friendships, which is preferred, but I have yet to do the final stage: be real and vulnerable. I've had this fake community where I've known I need people and I get my few hangouts with people each week, but it's not like the true community I've experienced in the past. Now whether that's because of my age, a new phase of life, the age of those around me...I don't know...I DO know that I need the body of Christ in ways that I cannot even begin to understand. I DO know that there's no chance against the world, the flesh or the devil when a believer chooses to be isolated. We were made for each other. And I've done the checklist approach to hanging out, asking basic questions, and then returning to my "me time"...I'm robbing the body of the things God has to offer them through me if I would just be obedient to His will in my life.

So that's that. Formed the idea this weekend and also resolved to fix this, with God's grace at the helm. There is no excuse for me to not be deeply connected with true friends I have in this city, or even new friends. And there ya have it! I hope this blessed you in some way.

db